How To Deal With Spiritual Homelessness
What do you do when your pain doesn't look like theirs? Where do you go when your safe place becomes exposed to judgement? How to you deal with having no roots to grow?
I've struggled with being unemployed for months. And let me tell you, going from a full-time job to nothing can hurt your ego, It certainly had hurt my confidence, and the financial burden of not having an income is a prickling stressor. The kind of stress that keeps you up at night, worried about bills, food, credit scores, car payments.
Unemployment is not an uncommon occurance. But it feels uncommon in this place, space and time.
For me, I'd kept a lot of these struggles related to my journey within the safety of my family and partner. They have been more than supportive in helping me stay just above water as I look for a place to share my skills in an environment that is healthy and in line with my career goals. But 7 months into my unemployment and I was and still am at a point where I was really feeling unsure about my path. I'd opened up to a very close friend about my feelings and concerns. The levels of stress and uncertainty that comes with this type of transition.
Their response: " But are you homeless?"
The response set me back. And as I processed this response, through waves of confusion and disappointment, I was reminded of feelings of shame and isolation I'd so relentlessly avoided by not sharing my deepest struggles with anyone, to begin with.
Weeks after our conversation, that moment never left me. The feelings of loneliness and tingles of hurt. I played the interaction back throughout the next days. Most vividly while I mindlessly washed dishes in a place that didn't feel like my own, silverware I had not purchased.
Physically homeless? No. I was fortunate enough to be taken in, by which I am thankful. Emotionally homeless? Spiritually drained? Isolated? Yes.
For someone like me, who rarely opens up about truly personal things, when I do find a space to share, it is because I truly need to. To release and be heard.
I couldn't help but feel even more alone then, rinsing and cleaning. Rinsing and cleaning in ways I wish I could do for myself.
It is easy for others to dismiss your pain because they can not see it. It costs them more to empathize than to renounce your concerns. And for many who carry small balances of emotional health, the cost is simply too high.
Adulthood is this strange place where you are often reminded in shocking waves that you're life is your own. Your concerns, issues and journey belong to only you.
And while it would great to have the Sex And The City friend's group of unrelenting support and understanding. That may not happen for you.
What you do always have is the ability to show up for yourself. Show up as you push to become your best self. Live in your moments of worry, but also live in your moments of joy.
I keep going back to this idea of cyclical periods of time. Everything has a season, everything is due to pass. The true testament to who you are lies in what you do in seasons of want.
So what will you so? I hope you rise to the occasion, and keep pushing.